Tears, Taxes, and Flour Babies

I don't like to cry.  Perhaps it's from having an older brother who used to say "REALLY bad" words---like....cry baby. (GASP!   I know.  He was pretty naughty...)

Who knows.  All I know is I try to keep my crying tally at five times a year or fewer.

(You must realize, however, that when I say "crying" I'm not talking about some touched-by-something spiritual, I-feel-warm-and-fuzzy-because-I-just-saw-someone-return-from-war, I-watched-a-really-good-"I'm-a-Mormon"-video, or some-one-left-me-a-box-of-Kraft-Mac-and-Cheese-on-my-bed type of tearing up.  I'm talking about that deep, "I-just-can't-take-it" sobbing that takes so much energy and gives me such a bad headache that it's just not worth it more than a few times a year.  

Normally I reserve those good kinds of cries for things like funerals, realizing I did something really bad I can't take back, breakups, horribly traumatic or emotional events, finding out the person I thought I should marry is marrying someone else, and of course, pet deaths.

Yep.  I think that's pretty inclusive.

My list is NOT supposed to include taxes.

Especially when they say "EZ" right at the top.
It's like some horrible teen text from all the accountants of the world letting you know that if you have that form in your hands and you have enough of a brain in your head to know the EZ form is the one you need, you should be able to fill it out without them.

I mean, I am ONE person with ONE job in ONE state.
I have no house, no husband, no children, and no notable interest from my bank account.
I think that is just about as easy as it gets.
Supposedly I just put in how much money I made and they tell me how much I get back.

Right?
Right........

Until being so cheap frugal, I decide I will NOT be paying TurboTax or anyone else $30-$50 of that money the government has already taken to tell me how to put a total of about five numbers on a piece of paper.  Not a chance.

But before I know what is happening, I am asked questions in order to fill out this "EZ" form with words I don't even know about documents that may or may not be part of my life--as if I should know these answers.  It doesn't help that while looking for one of the forms mentioned I run across an important paper from last year informing me that I filed last year's state taxes wrong--in at least two places!

Yes, that is EXACTLY how it felt.

Rather than stop, acknowledge I may not know much about taxes, and then pay someone to explain it to me, I have an utter meltdown and decide that society and school have failed me.  (Of course.  That's the next natural step.)

I mean, what were all those high school econ talks about how much a baby really costs as our "preparation for the 'real world?'"  Seriously, we all know no one in Idaho is spending $60,000 a year PER KID.  Useless.  Utterly useless information.  Or how about the day we learned to write a check.  Really?!  (I know, Idaho's pretty cutting edge.)

Why didn't the teacher ever pull out a form and say, "Hey, anyone in here who ever plans to work:  This is a 1040 EZ."  That would have been more applicable than checks, unrealistic baby costs, or hauling around a bag of flour to remind high schoolers they didn't want kids.

Partway through the meltdown I decided that whether or not I had been failed was irrelevant.  What mattered was that someone could put it all into English with a few quick clicks....for only $29.99.

So worth it.

Within two weeks I had both checks.
Just like that.
EZ.

Maybe I'll do my own taxes NEXT year....
Did you know it could save me thirty bucks?!  :)