Gender

The Unknown Baby:
Janie...or Johnny?

Last month we worked on biographies.  We read them.  We did book reports on them.  We made posters of them.  We wrote them.

Rather than do long, boring, (horrendous to grade) biographies, I decided we would do classmate interviews and then write newspaper articles on each other.  Much shorter.  And February WAS a short month.

When the students finished, I was sharing the articles with the class.  There were so many funny things from students with fears of chairs, teachers, and snakes to secret desires to own Trafalga, own cars I've never even heard of, shape shift, and to meet/ask Jimmer, "How do you make those threes?"  But I must admit, the strangest (by far) was this article.  It certainly took the cake as far as its...unusual content is concerned.

The article went something like this:
When "Johnny" was born, his parents thought he was a girl.  He had so much hair!  And so, they named him "Janie."  They called him Janie for a whole month--until they finally figured out he was a boy!  Then they named him "Johnny."  Wow!  That's a lot of hair! 


Most of the class laughed and thought it was a terrific story.

Only one boy in the front said,
"Hey.....wait a minute.....
Can't you tell by......"

At which point I quickly said,
"Well!  That was a fun newspaper.  Who's next?!"

Bewildered, I pulled little "Johnny" aside later and said,
"Johnny, that was a funny article.  But your parents knew you were a boy.  I'm sure they were just joking about it."

"NO!"  he said adamantly.  "They really thought I was a girl!  I had a LOT of hair!"
Really?  I thought.  Were you a chimp?  And even still.....


And so, there you have it.  Maybe we should all just stick with "safe" names like Taylor, Alex, Pat, and Jordan.

After all, you wouldn't want to have to switch it after a month, when one little haircut could change everything.

We are NOT the Bronx

Breaking it Down--Math Style
I went to a teacher training meeting yesterday.  They reviewed why worksheets aren't the most effective teaching tool and gave us twenty other things we could do.  Using music and songs was one of them.

Inspired, today I downloaded a "Math Rap" to teach the standard system (because really, who can remember how many stinkin' yards are in a mile and how many pints are in a gallon?).  I thought it was brilliant.  The kids would LOVE it.  I mean, we would rap our way to perfect test scores, right?

Right.  If I taught in the Bronx.  Or inner-city Chicago.  Or D.C.  But wait...I don't.  I forgot that most kids have never heard rap (even if they are wholesome lyrics about inches and feet).  They went nuts.  Three got up and started doing what I can only assume was their version of break dancing or regular dancing or...something.  Everyone started yelling, "We're not going to learn this!!!!"  And, of course, it was right about then that a mom walked in.  Perfect.  The day was getting better and better.

I was so mad I turned off the whole thing.  I have yet to see whether it will ever make another appearance.  Talk about a waste of $2.99!  Perfect test scores may be down the drain with that money I spent downloading the song.  Although hey...look on the bright side.  The next time I do teach somewhere diverse, I'll be prepared.
_____________________________

What Kind of Biographies Do You Read?
Book reports were due this week.  The kids were supposed to read biographies and make a poster.  They also had to turn in their reading logs with what they had read and how many pages it was.

I knew I was in Utah when one student put "Book of Mormon Scripture Stories."

Hmmm...does that count as a biography?

So, what did I do?
Well, what could I?
I mean, I just said as I was explaining the assignment that a biography/autobiography:
#1Was someone writing about themselves or someone else
#2 Actually happened. It has to be true.
Last time I checked, Book of Mormon Scripture Stories appears to fit the bill.
______________________________

We All Have Bad Days

One student was giving his book report on Lincoln.  With all his sincerity, he said,
"He had a lot of really big problems.  Like...he even got assassinated--which probably really stunk."


Indeed.  It probably really did.


_________________________
Somehow, even on the hardest days, I just have to look back and laugh.  After all, it is kind of funny.

Some in Mind

We were interviewing each other and making biography newspapers in class today.
I almost died when I read this one:

"__________ wants to be a vet and a mom.  She would like to be a vet because she loves animals and taking care of them.  ________ is sure she wants to get married because she already has a few people in mind."  

I couldn't help it.
I laughed.  
A lot.
Some things are just easier when you're nine.

Because Jimmer isn't worshiped enough....

January/February was poetry in 4th grade.  Who doesn't love a little poetry, right?  I mean, you can spell/write/punctuate how you want and call it "artistic."  What's not to love?
I did have to laugh at a few of their cinquains though.

Jimmer
good three ball
shooting, draining, playing
He can shoot far
Amazing
(Can you tell what we've been talking about in class?)

Jimmer (by a different student)
Fast, awesome
rebounding, shooting, blocking
He is so cool
Fredette
(Okay, let's be honest.  This kid wins.  His Valentine box was even a giant green Jimmer.  You just stuffed the Valentines in his mouth.  I won't even tell you where you got them out.)


Teenagers
mysterious, weird
chatting, dating, talking
major cell phone freaks
idiots
(Hmm...yes, that pretty much sums up seventh grade.  Oh wait.  Except my phone still had a cord on it. hahaha)

Cowboys
Rowdy, fast
riding, roping, working
I absolutely like cowboys
Woody
(I "absolutely like" this poem)


Books
boring, dumb
exploring, teaching, showing
I hate them a lot
Writing
(See?  I am really helping them gain an appreciation for the arts.  I feel better about my job already.)

Go ahead.  Write your own cinquain.  You know you want to.   You may have missed Valentine's Day, but poetry is good year round.  After all, Jimmer has probably not been worshiped enough yet and it's got to better than reading a book.  You'll "absolutely like" it.  I can feel it.

Genetics

I was cleaning out my cupboard at school today and found this from an end of year review last year.  A student in my class had been asked to explain genetics.  Maybe it's just me, but I think it's hysterical (then again, I have been at work for eleven hours...)

"Genetics is where your parents have a baby.  The baby gets some of its moms cells and some from the lucky mate that married the girl.  The baby starts out a a cell and the cells get bigger and bigger and they tell each other to form into a body.  They you will be a boy or a girl in your mom's stomach.  Then you come out of your mom's and go home.


"Then you become older and play sports or cheer like your dad and mom and all that stuff.  Then you go to college, meet a girl.  Then go through the same hard process.  Then you have kids and they also start out as a cell.  Then they grown in the girl's stomach.  Then comes out.  You also get half of your mom's cells and half of dad's cells."

And there you have it.  The circle of life--jocks, cheerleaders, the hard process of finding the "lucky mate," only to have those cells in the mom's stomach have to start it all over.

Finally, it is all making sense....
Wow.  And all those years, all I had to do was ask a fifth grader.  ;)

At least you're not a camel...

Holiday 2010
Changes....
Christmas was just not the same this year.  Normally, we have us, the grandparents, and Aunt Chris, Uncle Paul and fam.  This year, however, Brett, Nikki and Bubs were in Colorado, Joneses were home getting ready for a wedding, and it ended up being just the four of us.

Yes.  Four.

Mom, Dad, Kells, and I were there.

I was afraid it would be a little...lonely.  And, frankly, it wasn't very lonely.  Not that we didn't miss those who weren't there like crazy.  But, for whatever reason, like Thanksgiving it was just nice.

Kelli and I left right after school the day Christmas break began.  She came and volunteered with me all day (Muppet Christmas Carol, singing assembly, Utah state maps made out of rice krispie treats, class party....It wasn't that bad!).  We blazed the snowy, blowy roads by following a semi's taillights and rocking out to my "I Secretly Love Boy Bands" CD (well...so much for that secret!)

We made it home in time to make a eat tons of Christmas goodies, have mom read The Best Christmas Pageant Ever aloud, watch It's a Wonderful Life (I swear I cry every time, no matter how many times I've seen it), lay by the fire, sing Christmas carols, play instruments, watch movies we've been wanting to see, read, start A Christmas Carol (why did everyone keep falling asleep when I read it?   You'd think it was Dickens or something, spending two pages just describing the pudding) and relax.  It was SOOOO nice!!!  Well....except for whatever weird Christmas goodie I ate that made me break out in hives for two or three days during all the moments I wasn't passed out from my reaction to Benadryl.

We had a nice Christmas--once Dad got home, that is.  Someone definitely should have told me he got emergency called into work Christmas morning.  It would have saved me at least an hour of thinking my family was super lame while I waited to hear it was time for presents.

After Christmas, we went to Utah for my cousin's wedding/New Year's Eve party.  Creative, I have to say.  I mean, watch the wedding, eat the dinner, get dessert, dance and ring in 2011 all in one.

Some of my favorite parts of the break were:

1--The fake family Christmas card we wrote.  I told my mom I'd write it this year, so I did.  After all, they never told me what kind of card it had to be.  And so, we got a card that started, "Family and Friends, It's been a year of death, pain, and suffering. Well, not death, but it sounded good."  You can only imagine the rest.  We printed it off and left it for my dad to read.  Oh, he read it alright.  I think the last time he laughed that hard was when my skirt fell off in front of the temple.  hahahaha.  But even better than that was that he actually wanted to use it!  (Don't worry.  We didn't.)

2--Seeing the lights out by Shoshone.  I mean, how many people spend six months on their lights and bring in a two ton camel you can feed carrots to?
50 pounds a night, FYI.  If you thought YOU gained a lot over Christmas, feel better.  The camel gained 250 pounds!  You're not even close.  Not EVEN close.  

3--The gag gifts in our stockings.  Few gifts were better than seeing Kelli actually get "Bump It" clips (hey, she does live in Utah now) or my mom with the dog that "poops" brown jelly beans.

4--Getting my dream gift.  Tickets to Les Miserables at Capitol Theater in June.  (!!!!!!!!! Be excited for me, I've been waiting over a decade!!!!!!!!)  Plus, I got a murder mystery game (Brett & Nikki, you're awesome!), a Cutco knife (you know you're old when....), and a "man-catching headband" (according to Kelli) along with other fun things.

5--Watching the bride's grandma dancing with her boyfriend at the wedding
("Shake it like a poleroid picture....")

If the break were any longer,
I may have just gone straight to summer vacation
and not come back to Provo at all.
But then I would have missed the sledding.
On ice.
And the two huge bruises on my knees.
And who would want to miss that?

Lights at Temple Square

Lights in Idaho...with the headband.  :)

Fatty McFat Pants Camel himself.  (Proof that you CAN'T eat as many carrots as you want...)

At Andrew's Wedding...

....../New Year's Party!

Love, obviously

I will eventually get to writing about the holiday and posting pictures, but for now, I just have one short funny thing.

I was checking the homework bin today and found a Christmas card I'd missed.  I opened it and found a really nice note from one of my students thanking me for all of my time and money.  However, as I looked more closely, I noticed that the note was taped to another card.  I peeled it off to find my "original" Christmas card, sort of whited out, with the second "card" taped over it.

After reading it, I decided the writer must have talked to one of my other students who--upon finding out I'd been ice skating--knew that the only logical thing to conclude was that people who go ice skating are people who have seen Elf and learned that ice skating is for people on dates who are probably in love.  (After all, why else would anyone even think of ice skating, right?)

Here's what the card said:

"Miss Waite,
Hey, I have a question.  Do you have a boyfriend?
When was the last time you went on a date with him?
Please tell me his name.
Thank you for all you do to help us in school.
P.S.  Please write back."

Hmmmmm.....weird.  I wonder why she chose to do a second draft.....
What a relief to know the writing process is finally catching on.