You're from Iowa?

Dear America,

I am about to say something shocking.
Prepare yourself.

Idaho is a state.

And it is not the same state as Iowa.
And we don't grow corn.
And we actually do grow more than potatoes.

I know.  It's hard to wrap your mind around.
Everything you've been told your whole life may have been a lie.

If you're from Idaho and you've ever traveled out of state (hard to leave such a magical place, I know, but assuming you did leave for any amount of time and go somewhere else) you have probably been asked where you are from.  It could happen anywhere--on an airplane, as an angry driver is speeding past you--making an obscene gesture and screaming, "Where are you from?" or even at a college social.    You will respond casually, "Oh, I'm from Idaho."

Which will be followed by at statement like this:
"Iowa?  Wow.  So…you grow a lot of corn?"
(This is anyone East of the Mississippi.  They somehow never learned all the rectangularly shaped states and their neighbors when they were 5th graders, so they haven't realized yet that there even is a state out West named "Idaho.")

Apparently, we are not the only state with this problem...

"No, IDAHO."
Which is then followed by, "Oh, you-da-hoe?" and a giggle as the person talking pats him or herself on the back for being so incredibly witty.  After all, junior high wit is so irresistible.
(This is anyone under the age of 35.  Anyone else may not even understand why this is offensive.  I was relating it to an adult after I had heard it roughly 346 times on a high school trip to Florida and she said, "Oh, because we're farmers and we hoe our gardens?"
Yes.  That's exactly it.)

Would you look at that hoe?

Or then there's the, "Oh…Idaho.  Is your dad a potato farmer?" (This is generally anyone in the Western US.)

I adore potatoes.  I really do.  And I absolutely insist on being a potato snob and only buying the ones grown in Idaho.  (Imagine me, in the middle of the grocery store: "Paul!  Did you check those?  Are they grown in Idaho?  What?  They're not?  Put them back!  Seriously.  We don't buy Canadian potatoes!")

Nevertheless, I have to admit I only know one potato farmer.  All the rest are sugar beet farmers, alfalfa farmers, bean and grain farmers.  In fact, I spent all of high school working in wheat and barley fields.  (Don't even get me started on awned and awnless grains…)

And, although I'm from Idaho, neither one of my parents is even a farmer at all.

Then there's the, "Idaho.  Oh, that's pretty much just Mini-Utah."
Read my lips: You.  Are. Wrong.
Granted, Brigham Young settled over 300 towns in the West (in Utah, Arizona, Nevada, Colorado, Wyoming, Idaho) and many of them have commonalities.  But Brigham Young did not settle Idaho.  And Idaho is not Utah.  They don't even wish they were.

Don't get me wrong, Brigham.  I love the quadrant system almost as much as I love you.

One of my very favorite responses ever, though, was this:
"Idaho?  You're from Idaho?!  That is the worst state in the entire United States.  Seriously.  The worst.  I would rather live in North Dakota!"
(That was a fabulous date.  Part of what made it so delightful was that the preceding sentences were uttered in the first three minutes of the date when we asked all those awkward get-to-know-you questions.  I hope that someone somewhere told that boy something about personal filters.  Besides--he just offended two states.  And I know some very nice people from North Dakota.)

Welcome to North Dakota

However, the one that tops the charts was this one:
"Where are you from?"
"Idaho."
"Idaho?  I hate people from Idaho!"

Thank you.  We hate you, too.

Okay, maybe "hate" was too strong of a word...

So, though I'm not exactly Idaho's spokesperson, I'd like to clear up a few common misconceptions:

1. Idaho is a state.  Out West.

2. Idaho does grow potatoes.  Fabulous ones.  They also grow many other things.  And they mine.  And they manufacture.  And they log.  And they do all the jobs that everyone else does to keep things running.

3. Idaho--surprising though it may be--does have running water and electricity.  (It was such an exciting day when we got our first indoor bathroom in 1998.  That was the year!  Now we just use the old privy out back for time-outs.)

4. Most people from Idaho do not like their homes, property, families or anything else to be described as "rustic."  ("You have a clothesline?  That's SO rustic!  My grandma had one of those!  Oh, it's just so cute!")

Soooooo rustic

5. Idaho has radio stations, stores, and even television.  Hello, Idaho had Philo T. Farnsworth, the inventor of TV himself. (Ignore what Utah says.)

So, the next time I get asked, "Where are you from?" and I politely answer, "Oh, I'm from Idaho," please keep the:

 "(Gasp!) I never would have guessed that!"
(Translation: "Really?!  I've never even seen you wear overalls!  And you have a full set of teeth!")

No, this is not my house...

"Well you don't talk like you're from Idaho,"
(Translation: "…because I can actually understand what you are saying and you speak with correct grammar…")

or the

"Oh…you're from…Idaho… (awkward silence)"
(Translation: "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.")

to yourself.

Thank you.

*This Public Service Announcement Has Been Brought To You In Partnership With the "Idaho Is More Than Just Potatoes" Campaign.  Thank You For Reading.

Perrine Bridge.  One of the few places you can legally BASE jump.