"Do not have too many kids. It will be hard work. Go to San Francisco, California and see the Golden Gate Bridge and take a picture for your honeymoon. Name your first girl Lizzy and name your first boy John."
"You should go on a date and these are some places you should go...Low's Extreme Air Sports, JumpOnIt, Lagoon, Classic Fun Center Roller Skating, do silly string fights, and kiss each other every night and morning."
"Don't do eneything stoopid."
"My advice is to kiss for 10 minutes and name the child Thomas or Cho.
P.S. Say I love you 100 times."
(It looks like that is a pretty serious kiss, if it leads to a kid named Thomas or Cho. (Although a white kid named Cho Montoya will only confuse things more.....)
"1. Do not kiss too much or it will get a little wet.
2. Get a good job so you can move into your dream home.
3. Don't get more than 10 kids. It's hard work."
"I think you should get a pet and rock out to awesome music. Go on a date at least one time a month. Laugh together. Have fun together."
"Good advice: Close your eyes when you kiss. Go to Orange Leaf and Pizza Pie Cafe for dates. Never drink coffee. Go to BYU soccer games a lot. When they say 'Will you marry her?' say yes. Hug each other a lot."
"Okay, one thing is never name any of your children Julian or Maurice because my brother wanted my neighbor to name their baby boy one of those names because they're famous skiers. Name your children after me. And never leave Utah and don't obey the advice like closing your eyes when you kiss."
"Give Miss Waite a good anniversary present. Get a little dog. Kiss every day. Play with your kids. Don't break up."
"You should buy Paul's dream car and he might give you yours."
"Be alone as long as you can. Always like BYU. Have 32 kids and name them after us."
"I think you guys shouldn't fight. You should share, be happy, get an Audi, and name your kid Jackson. Go on vacation to Hawaii and Spain. You should get horses and at least three kids."
"Buy a house with a big swimming pool so we can swim in it. Get a kitten or cute dog (but not too furry). P.S. Paul, take Miss Waite on a good date at Texas Road House."
"Have a happy life. Get a good job. Use your money for cars--Lamborghini and Bugatti sports cars. Don't vote for Obama--vote for Mitt Romney. We should go to a football game together. Real Salt Lake rocks. Do not give us homework, especially math."
(How not giving homework to the ten year old who wants to double date with us fits into my marriage I'm still not sure, but I think he may be onto something...)
"I think you should kiss on the lips to end a fight."
"If you have a girl with long, blonde hair, grow it long and braid it for the night and then take it out in the morning."
"You guys should buy a Ferrari and live at the school in Miss Waite's classroom with a dog named Ruffer and name your boy kid Nemo and the girl Nemoent."
(Uh...if we buy a ferrari right now, we WILL be living in the school, for a long, long time....Oh well. At least we have Ruffer.)
"Be strong. Share food and never make food together. It could be bad. But kiss A LOT. Every night snuggle."
"Let your kids have a birthday party every year! Go on a date every week. Kiss every night."
(Well, looks like our years, weeks, and days are now planned out for us. Although a party on my kids' birthdays may be a bit much...)
"Dear Paul,
Whenever you get married, promise me that you will never, I say NEVER go through the same thing my great-great-great-great grandpa did. Because as soon as he started dating and marrying my G-ma, A GIANT SQUID CAME IN AND ATE HIM! Just kidding! But really, don't screw up."
"Explore the world. Stay together. Have fun."
See, these kids could be family therapists. Just make sure not to have too many kids, kiss a lot (but not too wet), have a dog, and do fun things. And of course, whatever you don't don't screw up or be stoopid. ;)
____________________________________________________________
I went to a wedding one day and got a sub. While she was there, the kids wrote letters to Santa. Here are a few gems:
Dear Santy Claus,
I think I should get a big motor bike that says "Ladies Dig My Ride" and I want it to be orange slash blue so I can support BSU. And I can help someone if they're dying...like I will hurry and ride over there and put them on my motor bike and bring them to the hospital. The End.
Dear Santa,
These are the things I want to Christmas. First, I want a gun, because then I can go hunting and I will have protection. Secondly, I want a ka-bar because without a knife, how can I skin and gut a deer?
Dear Santa,
This is what I want for Christmas:
I like those mini lock things so I can hold my class notes in them because I have way too many scattered in my backpack.
This is what else: I would really like a sister because I have only brothers.
And last but not least, the new American Girl doll Caroline Abbet with more outfit of hers, in the letter I sent you.
Dear Santa,
Hi, what I want for Christmas is...
Well, I don't know what I want. I doesn't matter. I want other kids to have a fun Christmas in all other places kids who don't have moms or dads and a lot of other kids. Christmas is about giving. I don't care what toy or present. I just got it in my mind--one of these side purses that me and my mom saw at Target but I want you to make it different--blue or purple but with silver chains to go around your side.
Dear Santa,
I loved the presents last year. I would love to have a dog cause when I can't play with friends I can play with the dog. So I won't bug my mom to play with my friends. I can play with the dog instead. I wouldn't have no other Christmas presents for this year. P.S. We might go duck hunting. The dog would help so we would not have to swim. The dog could go get it.
Dear Santa,
Thank you for everything you have done and given to me. I just want to tell you a few things I want. I don't need or want too much. Can you please get me some CUTE clothes? It is not that I need them, but it would be nice to have them! The second thing is (I want, I don't need) some girl legos. I really want the vet one and a few others. The reason I want the girl Legos is because I can play with them with my friends and with my little sister.
That is about it. I told you I don't want or need stuff.
Now, I want to ask you a few questions. First, do you have any kids. Second (this tags along with the first!) do your elves count as your kids? Third, how is Mrs. Claus? Fourth, how old is Rudolph? Fifth, how are the elves? Sixth, how old are you? Seventh, how many hours does it take to do every house? Eighth, how many toys do you have to make? Ninth, how many years have you been doing this? Tenth, what is your favorite cookie? Okay, done with questions. Please write back before Christmas. Say Hi to Mrs. Claus for me and the elves and reindeer. P.S. I do want some dry erase markers too!
Santa,
You should get me a b.b. gun so I can hunt small game, so I can have the fur and the meat. And it is fun to shoot for fun. Shoot targets and it is fun to have a competition with your dad. That is why I should get a b.b. gun for fun shooting and small game.
Dear Santa,
I want a picture of you, your reindeer, your workshop, and your elves. Because I've been good this year and I don't know if you exist or not. If you don't, I probably won't think you're real, cause you won't hear me out for what I wanted this year. P.S. Am I on the nice list?
Dear Santa,
What I want for Christmas is lots of duct tape. Like: red, pink, black, white, camo...all of that times twenty. Cuz I'll make you bracelets, rings, wallets ("my kind") and...if your boxes get dirty, I will fix them with my black duct tape. And if you get me more green, I will make you a Christmas tree.
Dear Santa,
For Christmas, I want a salamander. I think I should have it. I would take care of it. I would feed it and give it water. I would keep it in my room so my mom wouldn't freak out. I would clean the cage and pet it so it won't get mean. I would close the lid, so my cats won't get it. That is why I should get a salamander for Christmas.
So, if anyone has some extra guns, salamanders, or duct tape, send them my way. Or just let Santa take care of it himself. :)
Happy Holidays!
A dog, so we won't have to swim out and get the duck ourselves! Ha ha ha!!! I can just see this little ten year old swimming out for a dead duck!!
ReplyDeleteGreat advice too! Argue, kiss on the lips and drive awesome sports cars!